Note: this post was originally written on March 3rd.
It’s 9:15 pm on Wednesday and I am worn out. The living room has exploded into messy piles of photos. I decided to go through some of my boxes of sentimental papers and photos. Yes, kids, real physical photos and letters on paper and cards sent *gasp* through the postal mail.
Since I never planned on taking all these physical mementos to Portugal, at some point they will need to be discarded or recycled; or alternately scanned then discarded or recycled. A select few I’ll probably keep.
Paying a service to scan isn’t cheap enough to just send it all over there, and scanning at home takes enough time that I want to be selective.
This is bringing up some feelings of resistance. And those feelings are familiar and frustrating!
I have photos of when I was young and skinny and you couldn’t see the anxiety and depression lurking in my future and underneath the surface. Which of these to scan? Which to give up? What am I hoping to get from holding on to them? Will there be some freedom in letting them go or regret?
And the notes and pictures of exes. Some of the endings were amicable, some bad, some just drifted away. I know that my current friendships, family relationships, and marriage are healthy and satisfying. I wish that just knowing that was enough to flip a switch and make it easy for me to just let the cards and letters from exes go. I’ve tried.
- digital reminders of past times – while going through hard drives
- Remembering and Forgetting – while getting rid of old journals
- appreciating my relationships now, instead of regretting the past
I was a decent correspondent during my teens and early twenties, judging by the letters I received back. But after that, things drifted off. I moved a lot in my twenties and it is possible I never received some letters. It is equally possible I dropped the correspondence.
I finally got around to posting this, on March 18th. I’m not sure what else to say at this point. I got through most of the photos and separated them into ones that other people might want – my ex-husband, my sister, and my parents. Most of them have been delivered already. I also realized that my sister and mom might want scans themselves – and if I’ve already done them, why not?
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