The closing on the house is this afternoon. I am going from a property owner to a renter, and most likely will be a renter for quite a while. We really don’t know.
Our plan is to travel and enjoy Portugal and Europe now before we get too old and crickety. (Rickety? Creaky? Crotchety?) So we plan on renting an apartment/condo/flat kind of thing. Actually, we’ve been assuming that landlords do maintenance in a similar fashion to apartment owners here. Which I just realized is an assumption. One more thing to check on! But even if not, taking care of an apartment will be much easier than taking care of a house with a yard.
Having the time, energy, and yes, monetary wherewithal to enjoy traveling is really exciting! It wouldn’t really be possible without selling the house. Or perhaps possible, but… uncertain that our money would last and allow us to spend freely. (Well, freely to us. We aren’t extravagant and don’t need luxury.)
It is a little scary to me to not have a fixed place in the world. A piece of real estate that is all mine. (Well, mine and the banks. But one I have the right to inhabit if I pay my taxes and mortgage.)
A tether to a place, a way to keep me grounded, a sense of safety and security. I’m not sure if I can explain if it is even necessary to explain, this feeling, this underlying need.
As I write this, I am getting anxious and I feel like there is a rock in my gut. But they are old feelings. Those fears and needs are not as strong as they once were.
I haven’t discussed in detail my anxiety and depression here. Nor how I’ve done therapy to be able to have a happy life in spite of them. And of course, anyone could have feelings about making such a big change!
So, we are exchanging our homestead for a pile of money later today. Exciting things are in the future!
Note: I realize that my college education, background, and location give me privilege not everyone has. This is in my awareness when I discuss the house, sale, and retirement, even if I don’t call it out. Our house is located on native land, I believe Tonkawa. My attitude and feelings about that are complicated. I’ve bought into that existing system and now I “take the money and run”. Guilt around that is a distraction, systemic change is needed. My awareness of that continues to grow.
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